Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
