herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
