I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
