i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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