How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
operation harelip BJ is a go
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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