I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
