Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
