3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is it penis luge time yet?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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