Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
