everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
