Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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