We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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