i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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