even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?