i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that