dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid