Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.