you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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