Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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