I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
