I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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