Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
