We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
