My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
