We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
