My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
