Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
