Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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