Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
