I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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