Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
