i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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