Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize