I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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