I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
