i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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