I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
