k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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