i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
