I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
MIDGETS
????
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
