i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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