did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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