I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
