went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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