I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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