my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
