"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize