normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
