I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
