that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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