Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
