The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
