I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't deserve a penis
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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