Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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