OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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