He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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