Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
