i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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