this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
