Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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