I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
