This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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